Ragtag Odyssey (Disc)
by VoidDweller
Summary: A high-elf ranger who has forsaken his home, a drow warlock who left his terrible society, an idiot bard who was raised in a brothel, an ethical half-orc, and a vengeful paladin. These are our ragtag heroes, two chaotic-neutrals, two lawful-goods, and one neutral-good. This is their journey, from cults, to pixie girlfriends, this is sure to be interesting! The world waits...
1. Chapter 1

** Sup, so, this is literally just going to be my written take on the D&D sessions that my and my group are doing. Not much else to say, so here's the three main and two occasional characters in our world: **

**Tanner Dangerclaw, high elf ranger, chaotic neutral. **

**Void, Drow Warlock, chaotic neutral. **

**Chad Barker, Wood elf Bard (rolled 1 for intelligence, so we gave him a 2), lawful good. **

**Ocassionals, **

**Grognak, half-orc fighter, lawful good. **

**Peter Vargence, human paladin, neutral good (oath of vengeance). With that, short backstories, then our dear protagonists' meeting…in a bar. **

Tanner, Tanner Dangerclaw, a prince of the high elves, tired of his sister's cruel attitude, and confident in his father's lessons on combat, set out into the wild. Forging his path as a ranger, doing as he wished. Killing drug smugglers, slave traders, and orcs that raged through the countryside. Having no negative opinions on races, he made friends with half-orcs, dwarves, humans, and drows alike. One day, however, after several years in the wild, he found that fateful town, Ferstia.

Void, a drow elf tired a fate's cruel decisions, left the Underdark, forging his path as a warlock, he walked upon the surface, killing any who dare spit upon his code of ethics. Forsaking his past, he found a small town, so small it had been ignored by orcs for years, going unnoticed. That town? Ferstia.

The crowd cheered and clapped as Chad Barker played his saxophone…at the brothel, the only place he had really known, after all, all his sisters were there. His music found the way into the hearts of many, calming the half-orcs and angry dwarves in the room. Halflings jumped and gnomes danced. Elves tapped along to the beat and a tiefling nodded in approval of the change in mood. After his session, he took a trip to bar of Ferstia.

Grognak sighed in content as his sipped his beverage, after years on the run, helping all in need, and forsaking his blood, he found his way to the little, peaceful town of Ferstia. He hummed as he watched a high elf and drowl walk in together, oddly talking to each other with laughs and pats on the back. He smiled still as Chad, the imbecilic, but loveable saxophonist also entered.

Peter Vargence walked along the dirt road, looking at his tattered map through his skull helmet. His destination was Ferstia, but it would be two days before he got there. The small town appealed to him, for some unknown reason. He drew his halberd as he spotted three orcs gang up on a weary merchant, it was time to slay…

**Chapter One: Six Boars and a Pixie.**

Tanner smiled as he and his fellow chaotic neutral exchanged stories and drank at the bar of the lovely little town of Ferstia. Seconds before Tanner started one of his stories, a half orc sat down at the table, with a wood elf. Tanner nodded at them and started his third story.  
"So there I was, trapped between a raging orc tribe, and a group of five tieflings, I was brought with a choice, flee, or fight? I ran up behind the tieflings and let loose three arrows from my longbow, each arrow found its way into an orc's head. Then, we rushed in with our weapons, and I killed twenty other orcs with my two spears that day. We drove out the orcs, and ever since, I've been welcomed into that small town of tieflings as if I was their own," Tanner smiled, leaning back in his chair, taking a swig of alcohol. Void nodded in approval.

"Impressive, but I once slaughtered a caravan of slave traders with only an dwarf by my side," Void smirked under his face mask.  
"I think I have you two trumped, with my fighter prowess, I killed a raging barbarian half-orc terrorizing a town," Grognak smiled.  
"Nah, the tribe of orcs wins, definitely," Tanner objected.  
"No, you had five tieflings with you, I only had a single dwarf," Void huffed.

"I lured a very giant man to sleep," Chad goofily smiled, he was of course referencing a giant which tried to attack the town days earlier.  
"…Chad, you're a bard, that's…whatever," Tanner tried to remark, but stopped and rolled his eyes. Tanner then got up and tore down a paper from a board. He brought it to the table, after paying for his drinks.  
"Look at this," he put a piece of parchment on the table. It was bounty for six boars terrorizing the forest outside the town, which was were the town hunted for food.  
"I like you lot, want to do this together? We'll each get five gold pieces, not terrible for small town spendings, eh?" Tanner grinned. Void nodded and Grognak took the paper, humming. Chad looked confused slightly, but smiled and nodded his surprisingly chiseled and handsome face.  
"Alright, let's go kill some shizz," Tanner smirked.

"But first!" Chad dramatically stood up, walking to the bartender, "how about three gold pieces each as a reward instead of five, eh?" Chad grinned, thinking he was making a great deal. Tanner facepalmed and Void shook his head.

"This wasn't what I expected…" Tanner whispered while they watched the larger than average boars from behind some bushes.  
"Agreed, but it can't be that bad," Grognak added, Void was stressing out.  
"What is it?!" Tanner whisper yelled, slightly aggravated.  
"It's Chad! I don't know where the imbecile went!" He whispered back.

"Found him," Grognak groaned, pointing to the open area, where Chad was starting to play his saxophone. Tanner facepalmed.  
"Idiot! He's only going to anger them!" he exclaimed, getting up and readying his bow.

The first boar charged Chad, and miraculously missed it's charge, refocusing on Tanner, who put an arrow in its head. However, it still stood. A second boar charged Void, who didn't react fast enough, and was knocked onto the ground, unconscious.

"Oh my…guess he never dealt with boars before…" Tanner grumbled, shooting another arrow at the second boar as he performed a medical check on Void. Grognak readied his great axe to take down the first boar, somehow, he hit it, and killed it. However, the second boar came up and landed a bad hit on him. Grognak still stood, however. Satisfied, Tanner hid Void, only to be hit by a third boar, reacting fast, he put an arrow in the second, killing it and getting away from the third. Chad angered a fourth and was nicked by a fourth boar. Grognak tried to hit the third boar, but only nicked hit, and was hit by the fourth boar, he stumbled, injured. Tanner rolled his eyes and let loose a third arrow from his long bow, killing the third boar. The fourth hit Tanner, who stumbled, but got back up. Suddenly, as the fifth, sixth, and fourth boar all charged at Chad, Chad exclaimed in a dramatic way, "Thunderwave!" Waves of electricity burst from his saxophone, electro frying the fifth and fourth boar, killing them, and injuring the sixth. Tanner then rushed up and jumped into the air, bringing his duel spears into the last boar's head, killing it.

"I can't believe it took us an hour to kill six boars," an injured Grognak grumbled.

After resting up, the party regrouped at the bar, where upon re-entry, they found a human paladin absolutely beating up on some bad folk from a bad group which stole and pillaged, killed and murdered, the guild/cult named Giggling Gravestone. Tanner had run into a couple not so long after he left his home, still one of the toughest fights he's had in his opinion. He grabbed one still alive, and slammed him against the wall, before elbowing him in the gut and stabbing him in the heart with a spear.

"Sup'," He greeted the paladin in the skull helmet.  
"…Hello, ranger," he greeted.  
"Name's Tanner, the drowl's Void, the half-orc is Grognak, and the bard is Chad Barker," Tanner remarked.

"My name is Peter Vargence, why have you greeted me in this manner?" Peter tilted his head.  
"You seem pretty strong, wanna join our little band of misfits?"

"No,"

"Please?"

"No,"

"I beat up one of those guys and killed some a little while ago,"

"…Fine, for now…" Peter reluctantly sighed.

"Perfect!" Tanner exclaimed.

The group went back to the bar, and the bartender gave them three gold pieces.

[I roll to kill the bartender]

[Why?!]

[*shrug* I want money]

[Chad: I roll to stop him!]

[No!]

[Alright]

And so the two members got into an epic fight, which was one Tanner lost due to the broken spell that is Thunderwave.

Tanner whistled as the group walked the streets, before they all noticed a rich man walked out with a glowing sword, a rare longsword oft referred to as a "Sunslicer". Tanner grinned, turning to Chad, and whispering something to him. Turns out, the man was a HUGE fanboy for Barker, who played quickly for him and gave him a pass for all his performances, and then the guy gave the sword to the idiot!

…

…

…Like Dangerclaw had planned. He slid up to the wood elf.  
"Hey, you wouldn't mind if I, held onto that, would ya'?" Tanner slyly asked.  
"No!" Chad smiled, giving Tanner the sword. Tanner smirked and guided their idiot into the blacksmith's forge. Peter facepalmed and Grognak groaned. Void just shrugged and walked in as well.

Inside, Chad gawked at a special weapon, the Moonpiercer, a rapier with the same rarity class as the sun piercer, Tanner took pity on the guy and counted his gold, after words, after the group pooled some money together to get the weapon for their idiot, none were broke, but they weren't exactly…stable.

As Tanner led the way out of the town, he decided to quickly slip into Grandma's Convenience Store, obviously a local store. As Tanner went to buy some arrows, he stopped and gawked at a beautiful high elf, clearly in distress. He slid over to the poor lady with Peter.  
"Hey, what's wrong?" Tanner asked, kneeling down.

"M-my brother, he ran off to kill some monsters in the forest!" she exclaimed, a couple tears slid down her face, Tanner and Peter exchanged looks.  
"What kind of combat training does he have?" The Dangerclaw carefully asked.  
"H-he goes t-to a training school for knights, b-but he's only an average student and doesn't have g-good w-weapons!" she sobbed, covering her head with her eyes. The ranger grimaced as Peter got up to do his duty.  
"Don't worry, me and my party'll fetch him," Tanner soothed, getting up and running into the forest with the paladin. Grognak sighed but ran after them with a grinning Chad. Void deadpanned, but sighed and followed suite.

**This is the end of our first session, well, and a little into the next, but I thought it'd be a good stopping point. And yes, it did take us an hour to kill six boars. This was not at home, but a ragtag group we put together at camp. Yes, these character swill stay until we die (we will probably die). Also, I think there might be a newcomer that might end up staying much longer then Grognak and Peter (who will be here next chapter, and maybe the one after that, depends how I divide these up). One last thing, I'm not the DM, I play as Dangerclaw. Anyways, I'll leave it at that. These chapters might be shorter than what you're used to, since our longest session MAY have been three hours. Bye!**


	2. Chapter 2

** And we're back again, young adventurer. What do you think of this odd group of heroes? Who do gravitate to the most? Our drowl warlock, Void? Perhaps our high-elf ranger Tanner? Maybe our wood-elf bard, Chad Barker? Or maybe even our half-orc fighter Grognak? Maybe you even find our human paladin Peter Vargence the vengeful the most compelling? Whatever the case, this Ragtag Odyssey awaits you…P.S. Thanks to the Guest that reviewed! Reviews are like cookies to us writers, so if you can think of one quickly, then go ahead and write it ****!**

**Chapter Two, A Stab in the Gut.**

Before leaving, for some reason they stopped by Chad's brothel, for reasons unknown a big black bear broke in. Tanner tamed it, then they rushed out (completely forgot that happened, had to add it in somehow).

Dangerclaw and Vargence rushed into the forest, Grognak, Void, and Chad close behind. They all stopped when they found a large stone however.  
"Void, check for monsters," Grognak whispered. Void nodded, closed his eyes, and chanted something.  
"There are three skeleton monsters behind that rock, I recommend Hail of Thorns," Void replied, opening his eyes and letting his hand fall back to his side. Tanner nodded.  
"Fall from the heavens, Hail of Thorns!" the ranger exclaimed, as spiked pieces of wood fell onto the monsters. Grognak finished one with his maces (which he traded for with his axe), Peter tore apart another with his halberd, and Void rushed one with his sickle, killing it. It was after that when Tanner saw a boy slumped against the tree, crying.  
"Hey, we're here to help you," he smiled, getting down at the kid's level.

[Do you wish to help him?]

[Well, it might be a trick, but of course! I need a girlfriend here!]

[Yeah! We need to get {real name} a girlfriend!]

[Ok then]

Tanner picked the kid up and embraced him. The kid reached out with his arms…

…

…

…

…and stabbed Tanner in the gut! Tanner gasped, but reacted quickly, and punched the changling in the face, before kicking himself off the ground and rolling away. While behind cover, he checked himself, good, it wasn't poison coated. He sighed in relief, he'd be ok until he finished this. He clenched his fists and grit his teeth. It wasn't over, he was going to kill that sun of a-he took in a deep breath.  
_"Calm yourself," _he stood up and drew his bow, quickly notching and firing an arrow, getting a headshot on the changling, forcing it back a little bit. The changling rushed Chad, barely getting an attack on him. Grognak and Peter missed their shots, while Void used an Eldritch blast. Tanner put another arrow in the beast, then put away his bow.

[The changling is at half health]. Tanner glared at the beast, as he and Chad stood side by side. Chad went in for a strike, but missed and the changling struck his back. The whole party was damaged, but only Void was in critical condition, luckily most of its attention was on Tanner. Rushing forward with Sunslicer, Tanner slashed, before jumping back. He was knicked by the beast's next attack before the rest of the party also tried to attack, most of them missing, but Peter got a powerful hit in.  
[This better be a 20…]

[20!, yeah! That's what I'm talking about!]

[My gosh you guys are going to kill me…]

Going in for the kill, Tanner impaled the beast in the gut, before dragging the blade up, and decapitating the beast, and for some reason, it exploded behind Tanner as he walked away anime style, sheathing his blade, before quickly assessing they all needed to heal up…

The next day was solemn, they had found the brother's body slumped dead against a tree, Tanner did what he could to help the lady, somehow, against all odds, she fell for the rugged ranger in torn clothes (as well as spiky hair which hadn't been washed in who knows how long). So, Tanner got himself a girlfriend, who actually turned out to be a pixie in disguise, but he was ok with that. Because hey, he got a girlfriend!

[Is everyone ready?]

[*Group approval*]

[Alright, you set out, to one of three places, you have to go to each one eventually, a port town, a medium city in the forest, and a small town, where do you go first?]

[*Group decision making*]

[…]

[Port town]

[Alright then, here we go]

The group, with their two horses pulling a wagon, and them inside, started along the dirt road to the port city. However, there were complications…

[Along the way to the port city, you run into a band of raiders, one magic user, and a couple grunts, roll initiative…]

The group grit their teeth, preparing themselves, raiders like these didn't show often where each came from. This wasn't some ragtag group, this was one of those larger raiding parties, one with a base, a chain of command. Grognak and Peter respectfully went for the grunts, Void stayed back, waiting for the biggest threat. Tanner and Chad waited as well. The magic wielder showed them his power, whipping out a fire attack, a fireball attack, in comparison weak, he wasn't exactly skilled enough for it to be fatal right away. However, it was still a powerful attack, damaging everyone in the party. Some more than others…It was then that Tanner, Chad, and Void took their turns. Chad stepped in with Moonpiercer, Tanner with Sunslicer, and Void with an Eldritch blast. They each got a hit in, but the magic user was stronger than he looked. Peter and Grognak continued to push on the grunts, killing them. The magic user conjured up another fireball, effectively knocking out Void and getting some hard hits on most of the others.  
"Thunderwave!" Chad dramatically posed, lighting shot from his palms. Tanner rolled his eyes, but otherwise smiled, attacking with his blade.

Sometime later…

[Congrats, he's dead, and none of your party died]

[I don't think we can take another one of those guys…]

[I did that to show you how actually underpowered you are, even with those amazing weapons of yours]

[We barely survived that]

[Anyways, let's rest up in the port town…]

After a good rest, the party took a stroll around, a couple places in mind, they first stopped by Grandpa's General Store, odd, but ok…

"Ten arrows please," Tanner put down his gold, and retrieving his arrows, now at 25.

They then saw a pirate ship in the dock, and immediately knew they had to investigate, because hey, why not! At first, it was amusing to see Chad play his music, with a growing crowd of pirates scowling at him, but soon it came that the crowd got too large for their tastes. Tanner slid up to Chad.  
"You might want to use that handy spell of yours," he whispered.  
"Which one?" Chad asked.  
"Thunderwave," Tanner deadpanned.  
"Ok!"

[Roll]

[Aw yeah!]

[…Why…? Describe how you kill them…]

[All of them?]

[Yeeeep…]

Chad stuck his hand high in the air, a storm cloud brewed above him, lighting struck all their foes, killing every one of them in seconds, electro-frying them…

"Why exactly are we doing this? Especially without our Paladin and Fighter?" Void asked, unnerved.  
"Why not? We need the money anyway. If you ask me, we're doing the people of the town a favor," Tanner shrugged, peeking around the corner and surveying the room.

"Alright, here's the plan," Tanner grinned. And so the team went about slaying every pirate in sight, including the captain with the black beard, and absolutely desimating the deck above them. Somehow, the rest of the ship survived, and with one charter option gone, they went about searching for the other two.

The next charter was a pretty cool homeless dude sleeping on a bench, but before rushing into anything too fast, they decided to check out the other dude, who happened to be a shady guy in a coat, who happened to be a drug smuggler and dealer. He was then brutally dragged into an alley and beaten by Tanner, and so he died, all alone in an alley. Tanner didn't regret his decision.

And so they returned to the homeless dude. They repaired the deck, and let the dude chill out there and indulge on the many alcoholic beverages. The three then set out for the next city. One Tanner recognized and hated…a lot.

On the road, they ran into another group of raiders from the same gang. Not much happened. Tanner stared at the imposing gate, he was planning on a quick in and out, grab some money, and leave. He was the prince after all. He decided it'd be best to leave Void (obviously), Grognak (also a good decision), and Peter outside (probably should've taken him rather than Chad, but, whatever). Chad and Tanner walked into the city, finding their way to Tanner's family's home. Chad somehow went somewhere. He was supposed to be backup. With a deep sigh, Tanner knocked on the door.

**And that's a good stopping point. Still short, but I hope to get two thousand words next chapter, HOPEFULLY. When we get a longer session in, with more clear details, and one of my fellow party members (playing as Chad) helping me with is, we should be able to get 4,000-5,000 word chapters out. With that, this next chapter will be the last one before our next session. Bye!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey, just wanted to preface this by saying that this is a different writer. Me and CrescentWrites will both be writing chapters from now on. We will say who is writing at the start of a chapter. I'm ChadtheBard, but I don't have an account yet. Oh yeah, one more thing. If something has [ ] around it, that means that it is what we are saying outside the game, like what our DM is saying or what we are planning. Anyway, On to the story!**

**Chapter 3: Royal Infiltration**

Tanner and Chad begin their journey to the Dangerclaw household. They start going over the plan.

"Alright, Chad. Remember that we are only going to steal some things and get out. I'll walk in, pretend like I want to visit because I miss everyone, blah blah blah… and I'll swipe some things and get out. You will only, and I mean ONLY, step in if something goes terribly wrong. You got that?"

[Me (Chad's Player): Hehe, foreshadowing, am I right?]

[Everybody Else: I swear to god! Don't mess it up!]

Tanner heads to the door and knocks. And none other than his least favorite person in the world answers.

"Hey sis," says Tanner, sighing. "How's life been? I missed you guys."

She draws a bow on him.

"Whoa, what the heck?" Tanner asked, shocked. "What are you doing, Hannah?"

"Go away, imposter. Tanner wouldn't come back here, even if it meant his life. Either that or he's dead, doesn't matter to me, go back to your original form, changeling!" She shouted.

Tanner, knowing that she is being serious, does the only thing that will let her know it was him. So he did his signature move: sweep the legs. Unfortunately, he accidentally knocked her out, so he went to place her on a bed. At that moment, his mother walks in, seeing what she thinks is an intruder carrying her daughter's dead body.

"AAAAAAHHHHH!" Her screams could be heard throughout the house, and she ran to go get her husband: The King.

Chad hears the scream and thinks "Well, something went wrong, guess that means I step in."

Chad ran from the outside to go through the window into the King and Queen's bedroom to stop them.

[DM: Roll Athletics]

[_Rolls a 1_]

Chad gets a running start and tries to break down the window. He crashes into it and bounces off, as though it were a cartoon. Chad then tries a different strategy.

[Me: Let's try Acrobatics this time]

[_Rolls a 20_]

The king and queen, already on high alert, are terrified as they see a wood elf with a saxophone on his back cartwheeling into their room.  
"Sorry Mr. and Mrs. Tanner's Parents, how rude of me. My name is Chad Barker, you may have heard of me, I play at the brothel in Ferstia, in fact, I think I remember you, sir."

The Queen gets red.

"What?" She says, as she is about to explode looking at her husband.

"Kidding. That was funny," says Chad. "Now, if you wouldn't mind, I'll take all of your Jewelry and precious belongings." Just then, Tanner breaks into the room.

"CHAD! What are you doing to my parents?!"

"What we came here to do, now get out of the way before you get hurt, too."

"Stand down, Chad," Tanner draws the Sun Slicer.

"_This could get bad," _Tanner thought, grimacing. He sent a telepathic message to Fuzzy, his bear, telling him to pick the rest of the team up and bring them to his location.

"I could do this all day," Chad draws the Moon Piercer and shouts "THUNDERWAVE!" He hits them all, nearly killing the King and Queen.

"What the Hell?! CHAD, stop right now!" Shouts Tanner.

The king draws a sword and goes to hit Chad, but he misses and steps back. Then Tanner strikes at chad, but also misses.

The Queen, being helpless, hides in a corner. Chad begins laughing maniacally, as if he enjoyed it.

"Chad please! Don't do this!" Shouts Tanner, hopelessly.

"THUNDERWAVE!" Chad shouts again. This time he knocks out both the king and queen, and Tanner is breathless. Tanner goes to slash Chad and hits, but it was useless, as Chad hit back, knocking out Tanner. Grognak, Void, and Peter burst into the house with Tanner's black bear, Fuzzy, just as this happens.

Only moments later, the Royal guard break in, with the other three in handcuffs, and they arrest Chad and Tanner and take the King and Queen to a hospital.

As the group of adventurers is taken into custody, Chad's saxophone is taken away. They are thrown in a jail cell and they talk.

"Alright, so what happened to you guys in there? I thought it was supposed to be a simple snatch and grab."

"I don't know, wanna tell them CHAD?" Tanner says defeatedly.

"I know what happened, but who's Chad?" Says the clueless bard.

"You're kidding, right? I mean, you're dumb, but not that dumb," replies Void. Then, Tanner grabs Void and whispers.

"Oh no. This happens when he doesn't have his saxophone, normally when he goes to sleep.

"By the way, where is my saxophone?" asks Chad. Tanner turns back to Void.

"He wakes up and gets his saxophone immediately, and knows who he is afterwards. He knows everything except who he is, and it always scared me thinking about what would happen if he didn't have it for long periods of time," he turns back to Chad, "you do remember what happened, right? You knocked out my parents and me and tried to rob the house."

Chad responds "Yes, I remember that much, but I don't remember who you are. To be honest, I don't remember much else." Tanner's jaw dropped.

"This is bad," said Void, "how can we get through the trial?"

"No, no, no, this is good," replied Tanner, "in fact, this is perfect." He grinned, "So anyway, your name is Chad, and…" he went on, telling Chad exactly what Tanner wanted him to know.

Chad cut in, "Okay, I have a plan for the trial, but I can't tell you about it." Soon came trial day, and the party would soon find out what this plan would entail.

**That's it for the chapter. Sorry it was short. Trust me, next chapter will be interesting and should be longer than this one.**

**And this is Crescent, I only edited this chapter, and I must say, I'm really proud of Chad's work here on this chapter. It really helped. So, if you could, send him some support, alright? Also, the first chapter has been updated, with a fight between Chad, Tanner, and a bartender Chad reminded me of, so there's a little bit more content there. Bye!**


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